Book Recommendation: Introverted Mom by Jamie Martin

Got a little banged up in the car from car nap days : )

A book for introverted moms? A book that includes excerpts from my favorite authors like Laura Ingalls Wilder, Louisa May Alcott, and L.M. Montgomery???? It has poetry? It talks about highly sensitive people??? She also likes tea? Has this woman been reading my journal? I bought it instantly. This book got me through the most desperate phase of boredom as a parent and helped form me as a mom.

It won't always be like this

The greatest gift from the book Introverted Mom was perspective. As I watch my kids grow, there's a mixture of feelings like "I can't believe how big she is! No, no, stay little!" but also the feeling of "Please, get more independent. Please, develop some skills so you don't need me so much." I felt really sad about my first daughter not being a baby anymore, and then, as she grew, I realized that God made it this way for a reason. She is meant to grow like this, one slow day at a time. The time that it takes a human being to become independent is SO MUCH LONGER than other mammals. It's like 18 years. But over these slow days, she changes and grows, and I get to see that. And my mama heart gets to adjust. 

In the baby, baby phase, it was a lot harder to feel that any progress was happening. And that's when I got this book. In chapter nine, Martin describes her children becoming teenagers (so hard to imagine!), discussing books they love, and having ice cream together at a place she used to take them on her hard days. Sounds amazing. But also kind of sad. Her reflection at the end of this chapter called "They Just Don't Do That Anymore" hit home for me. She lists a lot of hard scenarios and ends with this encouragement: 

"Go ahead and grumble, or be patient. You don't have to handle all the issues perfectly. 

Go ahead and cry, and wonder if it's even worth it. 

Go ahead and pray, for strength to make it through the next five minutes. 

Because one day, often when you least expect it, often when you've come to peace with the imperfections and decided to be happy anyway, you'll wake up, look around in amazement and realize: They just don't do that anymore" (pp. 168-169). 

This lesson was amazing to me, and super liberating. Take the long view. It won't always be like this. On hard, long days, that is a comfort. 

Say yes. 

The other most valuable lesson from Introverted Mom was about freeing yourself to say yes more-- to activities, invitations, and adventures. As an introvert, but even more so because I am an HSP (highly sensitive person), I like to know what to expect, be in control, and have things set up in a certain way. Contrary to many of my extroverted friends who read books like Boundaries to learn how to say no, I need help to learn how to say yes. In chapter six, Martin offers a few different lenses for making decisions and encourages the reader to say yes more. One question that she presents is: "Even if this is uncomfortable now, will I be glad that I did this later?" Like international travel with a seven-month-old... this was pre-COVID. Were the first three nights some of the worst that I've ever experienced? Yes. Am I glad that we went? Yes. The suffering kind of fades away, and I treasure memories from that trip like taking Caroline to the zoo by myself and watching the giraffes have lunch. 

So, if you are an introverted mom, I highly recommend this book for you! Take the long view on your children's growth, problems, what's hard, etc. And say yes when you can.