Mom Hack: Choose Your Battles

Mom Hacks: Choose Your Battles 

Posted by Roann Mathias 

Before our children were born, I spent a lot of time with other people’s children. Being exposed to different kinds of parenting styles was insightful. I saw many other parents' successful and not so successful strategies for getting kids to obey. And I naively judged the parents if I didn’t think that their methods were working. I said that I would never do those things to my children. Famous last words! 

 

When I had children of my own, the best advice that I got was to pick your battles. This meant letting go of things that I previously thought were important, like matching socks! I would never have let my oldest child dress that way. By the time my third child came along, it was no big deal. To this day he wears mis-matched socks on purpose. Sometimes it’s hard to let go of the things that you think are important. But if you try to enforce every rule that mattered to you before you actually had children, you would be exhausted (or more exhausted than you already are). 

 

Food and eating can be another area of contention. My son was very picky. But forcing him to eat the things he didn’t like just didn’t work. There were often hurt feelings on both sides. I worried that he wasn’t getting enough food, but he looked healthy and didn’t seem to be suffering from malnutrition. When I realized that he was ok, that battle was over. Today, he eats everything and has become a good cook.

So how do you decide which things are important and which ones are no big deal? In some ways it depends on your child’s personality. But the best rule of thumb is to ask yourself if whatever they are doing “wrong” is dangerous to self or others. After that, it all depends on what you can live with. Is having a clean room important? What about picking up all the toys? I’m not saying that you should let your child do whatever they want. It's challenging to learn how to teach your children obedience and know how to discipline them, and it's even harder to get it right all the time. In the end, getting it right isn’t the goal. In my opinion, you should be aiming for reducing the stress that comes from getting into a power struggle with your child. And that is what it means to choose your battles. 

No shoes? No problem!